***written on the 26.07.18***
These early days are as predicted quite testing and as much as other mums tell you about it and you try to brace yourself, there is nothing on this god given earth that can actually prepare for what you will go through when your baby arrives. It is without a doubt the most challenging yet rewarding role I’ve ever taken on (or probably ever will) and I wouldn’t change it for the world and I’m pretty sure every mum would say the same thing.
Add to this the pressure it puts on your relationship with your husband/partner (because he is going through it all as well), my crazy cocktail of hormones and emotions as well as the lack of sleep and there is lot of potential for the perfect storm.
Conversations never get to be had, meals don’t get to be eaten together, we haven’t been give the all clear as yet to get going (ole’ stitches gotta heal) but currently I can’t see when we will be fitting in wild passionate love making (or even just a quickie) because sleep is so much more appealing to us both at the moment. In fact it feels like life or death so you better not get in the way of me going to bed early.
The stress of cooking a meal for dinner, the greater stress of realising you don’t have the ingredients in the house to make a dinner, the anxiety you feel looking around the lounge room when you’re feeding to see all the “things” that have just been “popped down” as you live (ok it’s survival not living) from moment to moment which has now become cluttered and messy with nothing is in it’s place. The terrifying thought that someone might pop over to see you and your perfect little bundle of carefully curated joy that you’ve displayed so beautifully on your Instagram feed and instead see the “state” that you’re in.
Some days I’m lucky to be wearing pants before lunch time which in fact turns out to be breakfast because it’s taken me that long to work out the pants situation I haven’t gotten around to feeding myself. Although my nipples certainly know that they have been feeding someone else.
All this unending chaos and in reality it’s only been 5 weeks. What feels like a lifetime due to the every 3hrs/24hrs a day nature of the beast is actually barely over a month. So I guess I’m just gonna settle in for the next little while and know that I won’t be in the trenches forever and that this too shall pass. In the meantime I’ll enjoy the sweet little babe when he is being that and just breathe through the times when Mr. Hide comes out to play. After all, he has no idea what he’s doing or that I’m not wearing pants or that i haven’t washed my hair for a week, he just wants to be held by his mumma bear.