Growing up I always had more boy friends than girl friends. Girls seemed hard work, especially since I can be pretty scattered and forgetful which is awkward when there’s more pressure on these relationships to remember things than your husband and your wedding anniversary. That and i’m a massive people pleaser/door mat so I quickly fell to the bottom of the pecking order in most girl gangs I associated in, albeit the queen of comic relief for us all.
Somewhere in my early twenties that all changed. I met the love of my life (shout out to you Mylo) and he strongly encouraged me to scrap the toxic ones and nurture the wonderful ones. He could see the positive impact the great ones had on me and the rubbish impact the dodgy ones had. Following his advice I, over time did exactly this which leads me to where I am today. Surrounded by incredible women and friends who Champion the bejingles out of me in all that I do.
Example: They’re probably the only people who have read this blog. Thanks guys!
Fast forward to Motherhood and I have been completely blind sided by “mum” behaviours. Heaps of our friends had babies before us and so you can bet your bottom dollar I have been on the phone to them one billion times asking the most ridiculous of questions about my babe like, “how many times a day should he blink”? Or, “Is it normal if he cries when he’s hungry”? and they have been more than patient and willing to share whatever information they have. What baffles me the most though is how many people will say to me, when I ask them what they did in my situation, is that they did nothing, or they googled it; they never asked the question of anyone!!!
Now firstly doing nothing is probably often the answer because “riding it out” is definitely a thing, am i right? But what blows my mind the most is that just talking it out with people is exactly what gets me through!!! “Riding it out” is all well and good as far as the phase that your baby is in but your mental state may not hold up as each “phase” can be back to back and pretty much unrelenting.
Then there’s the mums who potentially should have written and instruction manual on babies because as far as they’re concerned they have all the answers, their kids are perfect and they’re possibly on the cusp of solving world peace for all I know. They make you shrink into nothing and feel hesitant to say anything about you and your baby because you’re obviously wrong! Seriously though, every babe and their families are so different, there is no one way that works for everyone. Aside form that there are so many different ways to do the same thing again, clearly developed because of how different each baby is, they are human for crying out loud, they grow up to be as big an obnoxious as us (scary right)!
In any case, this secret mum club that I have become part of has taken me under their wing with people from all parts of my life coming out of the wood work to offer their support behind the scenes, mainly because I asked which can be the hardest thing in the world (not for me, i can talk underwater with a mouth full of marbles) and so I wanted to create a place here where people could hear about my failings and successes because half the time its just the knowing you’re not alone in the journey and that you’re not the first or only one that gets you through.
PS – In the wise words of Mylo; get rid of any friends who don’t organise a ticker tape parade for you when you manage to get out of the house for at all, especially if you’re wearing pants and have cleaned your teeth.