The day Bam finally broke me…


Monday Feb 11th 2019, my 34th birthday and as it turns out the day that my body finally broke from sleep deprivation.

Kel & Isaac

What started out as a wonderful little morning filled with our usual walk and coffee, followed shortly by swimming lessons, lunch with Nancy (my mum) and dinner with our little community was interrupted by a small shall we say speed bump. It was still the most wonderful day and i wouldn’t change it for the world BUT it is amazing how no matter what we want our days to hold and how planned out they are, if the needs of our babies change or take away some (or all) of you energy you may need to adjust those plans or your body will adjust them for you.



After waking the night before every 20-30mins the WHOLE. NIGHT. THROUGH i was already feeling a little, shall we say, depleted. I got organised and we walked up the street to enjoy our usual coffee, although our favourite cafe had closed for two weeks starting this very day so we compromised and enjoyed what was on offer. Don’t get me wrong, it was still great, i mean it was a caffeinated beverage; it just wasn’t our people. We moseyed on home i put Bam down for a sleep and prepared to enjoy a tea and to write some more thoughts. My cheeks had barely touched the seat when i heard the familiar and grating sound of what could not be mistaken for anything other than my wee babe standing at the edge of his cot crying out to me. Tea and writing was off so we were up and playing until swimming lessons which now promised to be exciting as i had a ticking time bomb on my hands who has such a great sleep debt by this stage i’ve stopped keeping track.

Isaac & Coffee

Swimming was great although the kid who is part fish due to a webbed toe  (we will save that little gem for another time) and an extreme love of any and all things water managed to turn on the water works twice, probably since he was out of his mind tired but again as is our mantra let’s “push on”. Once home we got dressed to head out for a quick lunch where he would no doubt have a sleep, right?…

***Warning sign – before we left i popped downstairs to say bye to the gang and felt overwhelmingly like i might faint. I laid on the carpet for a minute and assumed it was because Isaac is so damn heavy and i took the stairs too quickly.***

Lunch is great!!! We visited a little local joint called The Vintage Pantry and thoroughly enjoyed numerous treats except the treat that would be Isaac sleeping. That’s ok we “push on”.

Birthday Lunch

I attempt to put him down into his bed and decide i might need to nap when he is napping this time because i don’t feel the best and i want to enjoy my evening… he goes down like a dream (which he should since he has barely slept at all today or last night or the one before that or the 8 months before that), i farewell my mum, message Mylo to tell him i love him and lay down in bed. Within seconds i can feel myself sinking so deep into the mattress it’s like an “out of body” experience, my limbs are so heavy, my mind is blank and overwhelmed by the sense of how weighty my body has become and i know this will be a great nap.

“whaaaaaa”!!! It turns out Bam has other plans….

We play happily for a couple of hours together and although i feel drunk it’s precious and wonderful (another warning sign perhaps???).

Dad arrives home and we go for a walk to get a coffee before dinner. We are a couple of hundred metres up the street and i alert Mylo to the fact that i might be about to faint. We stop and after a few minutes of heavy breathing decide to pull into a pub that you wouldn’t go to at the end of a hen’s night in the cross, but i need a cold bubbly drink and i can’t go far… so here we are. I visit the bathroom where i manage to bring up everything i’d eaten that day and return to my soda water and lemon. I head back to the bathroom where i manage to relieve myself of all other stomach fluids and then some and return yet again. After a quick discussion about whether i could be pregnant and what the actual odds of that were we decide to return home which seems risky but we couldn’t “push on” any further and i was scared i might catch something in this pub. I felt like at times i was crawling trying to get home but we made it…

…i wake up and it’s 5:30pm, Isaac was bathed and ready for bed. I don’t know where time went and feel very disoriented, but apparently i slept. I feed him and he sleeps. I felt marginally better… (Mylo should get an award about here for being dad and husband of the year).

We enjoyed the most wonderful dinner cooked by my love and we went to bed immediately as who knew what the night would hold.


***Spoiler alert it held the gateways to hell and further torture but that’s ok*** #mumlife

It blows my mind that my immediate thought was that something was wrong with me or that i might be pregnant instead of the fact that my body had tried to warn me several times that it needed some respite and i had ignored it. This mum gig is hard AF and i love the be-jingles out of it but you know, sometimes it catches up with you. Isaac is a great kid albeit slightly difficult at times. Not in a bad way, just in an accurate way. He is a baby, it’s normal and it doesn’t mean i don’t love him or that i don’t like being a mum if i can actually admit it and say it out loud. Other babies are just as difficult as him in fact i would go as far as to say that even the most easy going baby is still the biggest frickin’ challenge because no matter what they are demanding and they push us to the limits and sometimes beyond them.

I got to the point where i could no longer “push on” and my body forced me to have a reset because i wasn’t making that decision on my own.

I had a wonderful birthday despite all of this. I had to cancel a couple of plans because of this small “speed bump” but i was so blessed that my family gathered around me and supported me in a time that the world felt like it might be ending and that is a gift i get year round if i need it. So happy birthday to me!!!

PS – Mylo made the most delightful pulled pork burgers for dinner and i got an ice cream cake. Both of which i kept down!!!



7 thoughts on “The day Bam finally broke me…

  1. Ow love! We are going to be absolutely blessed with the best behaved, sleepy toddlers! I’m sure if it! 😉😘
    Funnily enough my bday was a few days after yours and also a shocker lol 😂😴

    Liked by 1 person

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